The Likely Lad

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This poem was written during the days of militant union action which brought about the death knell of trade union power. The City of Liverpool particularly suffered from trade union militancy which, in the end, maintained the Conservative party in power for another term.

The sun has got his Hatton, 

Hip hip hip hooray!

We wish that he would go there.

That's what most people say


He's not really one of the likely lads,

The mouth from Liverpool.

Beneath his  gesticulations,

He's just a commie tool!


He's got the title of Deputy Leader,

Although he acts as a bit of a yob.

Where on earth is the chappie,

Who's got the principal job?


He's neat and jaunty and he swaggers,

From dais to microphone,

He's upsetting the Labour leader,

By his belligerent tone!


He's always liked treading platforms,

Since the day that he was born.

But, since he's been shooting his mouth off,

He and Kinnock are at daggers drawn!


He wants to be independent,

And bring the Tories to earth,

But the antics that he's been up to,

Are not likely to cause Labour mirth.


In socialist political circles,

He's regarded as a bit of a joke,

Who seems to be doing his very best,

To send Labour's dreams up in smoke!


Like Scargill, he rejects moderation,

Discussion and healthy debate.

So now he's paying the penalty,

For Labour it may be too late.


He maintains that jobs and services,

Are at the very top of his list,

As he rapidly ruins Liverpool city,

 By the use of his militant fist.


The trouble is, that the Unions,

Are not acting with one accord,

Whilst with his suggested solutions,

It's the Conservatives who have scored!


Just when the Conservatives were rumbled,

And the tide was drifting away,

This bit of a berk from Birkenhead,

Declares a big Tory holiday!


Think Labour and then think chaos,

The opposition are saying, with glee.

Kinnock will adopt the same pattern,

If the Labour party gains victory!


Kinnock has been trying, so desperately hard,

To make Labour's message edible.

But, with blokes like Hatton, beavering away,

It's regarded as nigh on incredible.


Maybe over the years, perhaps the next ten,

He'll iron out the 'reds'.

Until he does, there's little hope,

That we'll sleep soundly in our beds!


Is it true that Hattons's mouth,

Is as wide as the river Mersey?

And that he'd be much more at home,

Inside his team's red jersey?


Not playing for Liverpool,

You understand,

But orchestrating,

His military band!


Whether or not,

There's a job to be done,

Hatton is employing 



It took two to tango,

But not anymore,

Our Derek Hatton,

Has increased it, to four!


I'm told he believes it.

He's not using stealth.

In fact he's just proved it.

By employing himself!


Well not quite, but then he used his loaf,

To persuade a neighbouring labour mob

To demonstrate unity, the old quid pro quo,

Providing each other with a suitable job.


Although it's bending the rules quite a bit,

He says it's OK, not a crime!

It is, if you consider very carefully that,

He gets full pay for working half time!


He swans about in his chauffeur driven car.

And keeps it on call, half the night.

When his boss suggested it was time for him to go.

He got into a hell of a political fight!


At last the people are beginning to ask why,

He is treated in this extravagant way.

The books are being opened and studied at length,

Giving him considerable cause for dismay!


He's not quite the hero, his fans would have you believe.

He's manouvered, to meet his own ends.

This enquiry should place him in such watery depths.

That he'll suffer from the political 'bends'.


No matter how Tories mismanage,

And they're using far too few cooks.

It is a political duty,

To keep an eye on the books!


You can't ignore that duty,

And stick your head in the sand.

Or keep on ranting and raving,

Whilst acting as if you're half canned!


But let's, for a minute,

Look beyond the man,

And attempt to establish,

If Liverpool can

Regain the days

Of its' former glory

This can't be the end

Of a great city's story?


It is certainly the strikes,

And the militant factions,

That have started employers,

On alternative actions.


To decide that their industry's.

Will have to shift,

To where production flows.

Without perpetual rift.


The ghost of Liverpool,

Can hardly proclaim,

That, in this consideration,

They were not to blame.


The docks are a good illustration,

There's no doubt that the lads used to scrounge.

Goods never got to the consumer,

They finished up in some docker's lounge!


Blow this for a neat game of cricket!

You're too good at going on strike!

I'm taking my industrial ball back.

So you can get on your bike!


I'm not saying it was all hunky dory,

Or that, in the past, they never had cause.

To hit at their capitalist master,

By taking the odd industrial pause.


But, for far too long, they distinguished,

Between proletariat and bourgousie,

And, in doing so, they succeeded,

In decimating their industry.


It's too late now, to go back to the land,

To return to the plough and the till.

Although, when you look at the state of the world,

You might wish that you were back there still!


The only way 

To get off the rack

Is to take that chip

From off your back!


Persuade those who matter,

It may just be worthwhile,

To give one more chance,

To the 'Pools' rank and file.


The true heart of Liverpool must return,

For, at heart, they're a wonderful bunch,

Providing they get stuck in to their work,

And forsake the eight hour lunch.


We realise that Liverpudlians,

Are independent and larger than life,

In popular Arts they are vociferously applauded,

By the world, not forgetting his wife!


Cilla, Tarbuck and especially the Beetles.

So much talent in every acre.

But they need to call on Jerry now,

For the use of his pacemaker!


Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart,

And you'll never walk alone.

Well it's beginning to happen already lads,

So you'd better get on the phone!


On the Hatton front, I've just been told,

That the lot of them have been suspended.

Thank goodness for that, it was well beyond time.

That this farcical situation was ended.


What does this portend, on the national front?

What do the people feel?

Well the situation is within your grasp.

Choose a man like David Steel!


He may have to come in a package.

But that's not necessarily a sin.

Alliance is better that dis-unity.

So why not invite him in?

by Con Census

Author: Trevor Durbidge     Copyright 2001 [TJD].     All rights reserved.    Revised: October 30, 2007 .

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