Now indoor bowling is a gentle game
Enjoyed by those large and those small
But many turn their noses up
And say, itís not a real game at all!
They donít really know the ins and outs
They donít even recognise the skill
They think the bowl just runs on tracks
And most of thatís down hill.
They think as well that the game is dull
Thereís no life in it they say
So how can we popularise the game
To rank alongside the sweet F.A?
Well. first of all. we must jack it up
And make the game a little bit Ďhotí
Trip up the bloke who walks to the mat.
And let him fall down as if shot!
Put the spectators on either side,
Let them have rattles, trumpets and orange peel,
Encourage the players to spit on the floor,
To give it a real football Ďfeel.í
And as they shout and strut their stuff,
Let the audience rise and each stand on a chair,
So as their team scores, they can finger jab and sing,
ďItís all gone quiet over there!Ē
Let the umpires issue cautions and vari-coloured cards,
Bring the tension to a higher fever pitch,
Let them throw fireworks and toilet rolls,
When a player puts the jack in the ditch.
And at the end of the game let the victors run around,
And gesticulate to the crowd,
Take of their shirts and expose their flesh,
Of their physiques they could be so proud!
And maybe we could have the odd punch up or two,
Or perhaps rip up the odd dress,
Now that would certainly popularise the game,
And forever be in the press.
So itís not the game, itís the attention it gets,
Thatís all that stands in the way.
Come on you administrators, roughen it up,
And indoor bowls can have itsí heyday!
By D. Liver
Author: Trevor Durbidge Copyright © 2006 [TJD]. All rights reserved. Revised: October 31, 2007 .